Another 4 1/2 hour bus ride.... with each mountain that this bus wraps itself around I'm given a new level of awareness: I'm outgrowing this lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, I still love seeing new places, but I'm losing the thrill of doing it on a backpacker's budget. I'm tired of things like the 19 hour bus ride that took us from Peru to Ecuador, not because it wasn't beautiful, but because my neck and back and bum are sore from sitting, being jostled around like a semi-driver for nearly a full day. I feel very fortunate to have crossed 34 countries off of my "to visit" list, but I'm ready to start seeing other countries by flight rather than bus, by moderate range hotels rather than budget hostels, by nice organic meals rather than chicken and chips.
I can't remember a trip where I've missed the familiar things of "home," until this one. I miss my Tempurpedic bed and pillow. I miss lemon water out of the fridge. I miss getting ready in the bathroom where there's a spot to set my curling iron and a full mirror to put on my makeup, rather than a tiny little palm-sized compact. I miss showering without sandals. I miss laying out on the beaches in Hawaii. I miss my family. I miss natural, well-balanced meals with a piece of satisfying dark chocolate afterward.
I encourage anyone to see another country by whatever means possible, but the fact is that most backpacker travelers are in their 20's, unmarried or recently married. Of course, there are exceptions- generally, they're without the buoys that kept their rough edges rounded off, socially awkward, needy for social interaction, full of opinions. All this to say, I'm getting older, and I feel my backpacker travel days coming to a close. I'm ready to settle in, throw down roots, stop living out of a suitcase.
The perks haven't all gone missing. There are perks to living out of a suitcase, things like having a small number of options to pull from when getting dressed each day, which helps me get ready quickly. I get my fresh laundry folded by professionals, and I haven't had to wash dishes in months. The closest I've come to making a bed is stuffing a sleeping bag in a stuff sack. And, my husband has even started carrying my luggage up the steps at the hotels (look away, ladies, that's some powerful woman porn).
But, when I add it all up, there's just something fading. The joy of travel and exploration that used to be in my heart is just fading. I didn't think I'd feel this way, but I'm ready to go home, settle in, find a job, and get to work.